Energy & Relationships with Intuitive Energy Healer Dana Childs by Bobby Ciletti
As we approach Valentine’s Day, many of us will take stock of our relationships. Whether we are evaluating the relationship we have with a partner or friend, or even ourselves, the energy we put into those relationships is extremely important. To get the most out of our relationships, intuitive, energy healer and teacher, Dana Childs is here to help. She is a prominent authority for anyone seeking self-empowerment, greater wisdom and a deeper connection with themselves and those around them. Dana pulls upon her rich experience of world travel and in-depth study of healing arts, to deliver grounded spirituality with heart, humor and truth through private healing sessions, workshops, consultations, online courses and retreats. With relationships on many of our minds, Dana is imparting her wisdom with BHL readers, and we were fortunate that she shared her answers to our questions about relationships and energy. 
How can one focus on self-love? Â Are there any tricks you can teach to improve self-esteem?
Self-love is such a personal experience. On the surface, self-love may be taking a hot bath, getting therapy, taking a weekend trip. Or perhaps it’s a 10-mile outdoor hike, daily rigorous exercise, and eating a KETO diet. Ultimately, self-love is about self-awareness— knowing what fulfills you and makes your heart race. And what doesn’t.
To fall in love with yourself means falling out of love with who you, and everyone else, thought you should be. You must dive in and process the grief and sadness from not being accepted AS you are and for who you were. When you understand who you truly are and heal the wounds of rejection from your past, you can develop a sort of self-acceptance that allows your own heart to feel compassion and love TOWARD yourselves. Owning all that you are—and therefore all that you’re not—frees up the essence of you that can claim joy and fall in love with being alive.
When you accept yourself, your self-esteem naturally improves. Your confidence soars because you’re comfortable with who and what you are.
So if you want to feel self-love and boost your self-esteem, do things that enhance your self-awareness. Dig into you. This can be through therapy, counseling, men’s or women’s groups, energy healing or reading books that urge insight. It can be online classes, workshops, or weekends that push you to look inside yourself. You want real self-awareness? Explore your emotions, your passions, and your disappointments. Fall in love with every detail of who you are.
What is your advice for single people looking for a relationship? Â How should they focus their energy to achieve their relationship goals?
First, I’d say to honestly assess why you want a relationship. If you’re a serial relationshipist, you’re looking to be distracted from your last relationship, or you don’t want to be lonely, then I’d encourage you to NOT look for an outside relationship, but a deeper one with yourself. If, on the other hand, you feel happy in and with your life, truly satisfied, then it’s time to partner.
I always say, “If you want to find where the Unicorns are, then work on yourself to BECOME the Unicorn. Then, you’ll know where they go for a drink.” Basically, work on yourself! Figure out your passions, your hobbies, your drive, your heart. Then, be IN your heart. When you’re living from that tender, true place, people long to be in it with you.
To meet the goal of being in a relationship, you have to put yourself out there. Get on the dating apps. Let your friends know you’re open to dating and partnership. Be willing to take chances on people you may initially overlook or dismiss. To hold hands with someone, you can’t have your hands in your pockets, right? Put yourself out there—safely distanced of course. Take the time to try online video dating. Get on multiple apps. The current Pandemic does put a damper on it for sure, but it’s still doable!
Couples often experience a romantic disconnect in their relationship, what do you recommend to make sure their energies and intentions are aligned?
Couples meet and take time to get to know each other and fall in love. Then they forget to stay current. They incorrectly assume they know who their partner is because at one point they did. But every day we interact with our world and then change because of that. Who you knew this morning as your partner will not be the same person you see tonight. She or he has had interactions, epiphanies, thoughts, scares, pains, and blissful moments.
It’s important to stay current on who your partner is. Take the time to talk about shifting feelings, new insights, and changing dreams and goals.
Also, couples bump into places where they feel emotionally triggered or frustrated in a relationship. Many couples fall into common patterns when this happens. One person may get louder and more frustrated while the other becomes more shut down and withdrawn. When this happens, it’s so easy to put the blame on the other person, to see where your partner is the one who needs to do the work. This is never right. Anytime we think it’s our partner who needs to do the work, we’re off path. It’s always ourselves. Maybe our work is to confront rather than avoid, to get quiet rather than loud, to stop pleasing or chasing or withdrawing. Or maybe our work is to see why we’re staying in a cold or distant relationship. Recognizing that change in the relationship starts with you is how you can reconnect. Self-responsibility is key in a connected, safe partnership.
Another way to ensure connection and alignment with your partner is to learn to really listen. Unfortunately, when we’re in relationship, we run what our partner is saying through our personal filter of “how does what my partner is saying or doing impact me?” For example, if your man or woman starts talking about the weekend marathon they’re going to run, instead of getting excited for them or asking what they need or who they feel, you think of yourself—will I be alone that weekend? Does he or she expect me to go stand in the cold and support them? That means they’re going to be training, and I really want my partner home for dinner. Why are they doing this without me? We’re no longer WITH our partner, we’re in our own heads and relating to ourselves. To learn to listen is hugely important.
As an energy healer, what do you focus on to help those exiting a relationship to heal old wounds and move on?
Everyone’s wounds are different, so this depends. But first, I typically focus on self-forgiveness. That’s the ultimate healing when coming out of a relationship. For some, this forgiveness centers around staying longer than they think they should have or putting up with being treated poorly. For others, its forgiving themselves for how they showed up (or didn’t) in the partnership.
From there, I like to dive back into the family of origin to help them understand WHY and HOW they were set up to choose the partner they were with. When we understand why we are attracted to or gravitate toward someone, there is this self-awareness that lands and allows us to trust our ability to choose the partners that are right for us.
After the self-awareness is in place, then it’s time to help the person understand who their partner really was/is and find a place of compassion for them. That allows the heart to release and reset. From there, they can decide if they want to do more self-work or if they’re ready to find another partner.
This is a fascinating question. Ideally, we don’t want to have to manage our energies or differentiate, right? Ultimately, we’d like to exist in our pure authentic essence all the time no matter who we’re with.
BUT, I don’t think that’s the case for most of us. If you have a partner, then it’s important that you’re on the same page about how often, when, and how you interact with friends and family. This way, it’s a supportive dynamic. There’s expectation and agreement.
There’s no set answer here as everyone will prioritize differently. For some people and couples, it’ll be important they see and talk to their family often. For others, not so much. Same with friends. The important thing is if you’re in a relationship that it’s understood and agreed upon. There is no formula, only what works for you as an individual and for the relationship that you’re in.
Most importantly, it has to feel good to YOU. If you feel torn between your family or your partner, then something isn’t quite right. Where is the guilt coming from? The pressure? Who are you afraid of disappointing and what will you risk or lose if you let them down? That sort of introspective work is important if you’re feeling pulled between family, friends, and your partner.
Dana also provides guidance on the nutrition to feed your chakras, how to optimize your home health and how to kickstart wellness journey. For more information or to connect with Dana follow her on Instagram @danachildsintuitive or visit her online at danachildsintuitive.com/Â